Take the good with the bitter.

 I have to point out that music is one of the best ways to find happiness. One of my favorite artists at this point in my life is Citizen Cope. He is an American singer/songwriter/producer. He has so much soul in his voice and he writes beautiful lyrics. I relate to so many of his songs. My favorite song of Cope's would be "Off the Ground" off of his album The Rainwater LP.

 "Off The Ground"

Life's ride down the river
Everyday getting clearer
All the while getting nearer
We all belong

This place we've been delivered
Take the good with the bitter
Some may dismiss you
We all belong

When you and I
Were so far
We were so far
Away from here
All my life been gambling times
Been evading mines
Away from here

And the roads they'll take you down
And the winds will sweep your feet off the ground
And the wheels they won't turn around
On that road that leads outta town

I've found
When you and I were so far away
We were so far
Away from here

 
Other songs you should check out:

• Hold On
• Somehow
• Sideways
• Son's Gonna Rise
• Bullet and a Target

Four Brahma Viharas.

  I've been enjoying reading about Buddhism quite frequently lately. If I am in a slump of sorts or a down mood, it helps like nothing else I've tried; which is quite a bit. I've been put on medication, I've had therapists, I've tried working out. Medication makes it all worse and talking about it and working out are very temporary fixes for me. I need to keep my mind focused on the right track. Reading words of wisdom from the great Buddha leaves me feeling positive for days at a time. I can easily relate to it, yet when I go without reading it for a while I forget the importance of the teachings and what they mean. It is about forgetting your self-issues and seeing the bigger picture. Recently I read an article on psychology today titled: "Four Qualities of Mind That Alleviate Suffering." I want to control my mind into dwelling in these areas at all times.
The names are in the language of Buddha (Pali):

• Metta - This basically means loving kindness. To be friends with everyone. Don't "throw anyone out of your heart."
• Karuna - This basically means compassion. To feel others suffering and feel a need to help as you should feel a need to help your own suffering.
• Mudita - This has no one word translation in English. It means to feel joy in others joy. For a difficult example: a co-worker gets the promotion you desired, yet you feel happy that they are happy about it, rather than jealousy or self-pity.
• Upekkha - This means equanimity. This is to have a calm mind through good and bad. Easy and difficult times. Expect that there will be ups and downs and just "go with the flow."

Rules for Living:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
   • Respect for self
   • Respect for others
   • Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

This was taken from a place I stumbled upon this evening, twentyfourcarat.net. So many of these rules I find myself realizing on a daily basis, yet I still don't live my life by them. I'm making a conscious effort to use these as my life guidelines.
The bold steps are the ones I forget most often.

10. I always feel uncomfortable in silence. If it gets quiet I feel the need to fill the void. I never take the time to stop and think before I speak, or actually listen to the situation. I found that one can learn and make the best decision just by being quiet. Sometimes there is a better word choice or even no words to be spoken at all.

12/13. My mother and I have not been on good terms since before I hit puberty. Twelve and thirteen go together because the loving atmosphere in our home was smothered by me and my mother's arguing. It was a continuous stream of negativity. We brought up negative past incidences to prove our negative present point. We've grown so far apart, we are slowly building our relationship back up, but I wonder how things would be if we had dealt with things differently back then.

17. This is a big one for me. My past relationships always ended up being dependency and control issues. I needed them to listen, I needed them to care, I needed them to be there. It was the same form the other end as well, he was dependent too. That is why I started 2012 being single and vowing not to be in a relationship until I could be independent still. If I can take care of myself, I can take care of another person. Equally; if I can love myself, I can love someone else. To be able to put another person's needs above your own; that is love.

18. I am very hard in myself. I don't feel successful often. If I were to look at the amount of sacrifice I made to reach my goals as a guideline to my success, I'd feel amazing.

For example:
-Giving up addictions like smoking, binge-eating, and television to become healthy: success.
-Not buying all those new things I can afford now to save for my car: success.
-Staying home rather than going out with friends to balance two jobs and school: success.

Title Post

"Desire is our imprisonment. The man who wants nothing, who is absolutely contented as he is, is free of all bondage. He has attained to ultimate freedom, nirvana -- and that is the goal of life. And it is only by attaining that freedom that you will know the significance of being, the song of being, the celebration of being. Your life will become a continuous bliss, and not only that YOU will be blissful, you will be able to bless others too. The whole existence will be blessed by you, by your very presence." -Osho

 For those of you who don't know; Osho was an Indian spiritual teacher. He was a teacher of philosophy who traveled around India in the 1960's. He taught the importance of meditation, awareness, love, celebration, courage, creativity, and humor. These are all things I am trying to base my life around. Forget the sadness, anger, jealousy, and pessimism. I'm on a search for optimism and essentially, happiness.

Happy 420

 To celebrate one of my favorite ways to be happy this year I went to Fuda Fest in Norway, Maine for a gathering of marijuana appreciators and marijuana prohibition protesters. The air was filled with good vibes. Everyone was out celebrating the same cause. The people were friendly, the band was rockin', and the energy was high. I decided to go with a past love of mine. We were together most of our high school life. We were nominated Homecoming king and queen and Prom king and queen. We were defeated by the same couple both times however. We graduated together and soon felt the need to part.

 We went on very separate life paths. I found myself in Bangor and Augusta still within the borders of Maine and he found his way to California. And now two years since we graduated, we've found ourselves still very much in love. We found a more mature love. One that is accepting and nurturing. A young couple in love more often than not, becomes consumed by each other and that leads to obsession and control, like with us. When we went off to discover life and ourselves, we also discovered how to really love. And after our separation, we found ourselves ready to really love.
 My new years resolution for 2012 was to stay

single all year long. After a seven month
relationship that was all about control, I broke down. I decided it was me that needed changing and that was why I couldn't keep love around. I was absolutely right. I did need changing. I needed to learn to love myself. I just couldn't believe the people I found myself with really loved me because I didn't see it for myself, that I constantly questioned them and fought their responses. So I vowed to stay single until I could love myself first. And then I could love the right way, and make a lasting relationship.
 I have been single for five months. If you knew me, you would be worried. You would think something must be wrong, I have always found myself in a relationship. With only periods of a couple months in between. But no, this is a time of self-reflection. What do I need to stay happy so I can keep others happy? I realized this: to be happy with myself I have to be right with myself. I must be honest, kind, and patient. And hold true to these morals. And I must also keep myself healthy so I can keep up with these morals. Once I can practice these continuously enough that they become second nature to me, only then will I be ready for the last step.
 Man was created to share their life with another human. This is both a religious and a scientific statement. There was Adam and there was Eve, and in science, everything has a balance, an equal and opposite other half. So although I found I needed to be happy with myself, I also can't be fully happy without having someone to share that with. Trevor is his name. He was my longest relationship in the past. We have been through so much together. We were always there for each other. Sickness and health. True vows before we even thought about the altar. And somehow we found our paths connecting again. On an even deeper level.
 We decided to take some magical mushrooms. For those of you who have tripped before, you know there are some people you can't trip with or it will cause a bad trip and others you can vibe well with. Then there are the rare few who you have such a deep connection with that you seem to have the same trip. Come to the same realizations with. And they are your comfort whenever you seem to wander off into the worst of vibes. And that was Trevor. We had the longest talks except most of it we didn't have to talk about at all, we could feel and understand that we had the same feelings and thoughts in that trip. We were meant to find each other again, we have a connection that is hard for some to find.
 In this journey to happiness, I found my other half to share it with. And he is willing to wait for me to be fully happy with myself before we make it official again. But that night we saw and felt the connection. It is very real. And there is no reason to doubt each other ever again.

Regardless of if you believe in drugs or not, eating magic mushrooms is just one form of taking a spiritual journey. There are other forms as well: going off into nature, practicing yoga, deep breathing and meditation. A spiritual journey or even a few, is one of the many steps in finding happiness.

And this is Trevor. His heart is as beautiful as he is. I'm looking forward to experiencing this trip of life and existing in the now with him. Hopefully we will touch others with our love like he has touched me with his.